STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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