On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just invented taco cereal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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