i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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