Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
