the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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