She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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