No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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