It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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