hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
