Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
