What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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