All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have post one night stand depression
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
