Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
