What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
