Little spoons don't ask big questions
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
