I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
