why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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