I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
