dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
only you would photoshop your dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
