my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
