There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
