Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
