Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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