dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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