It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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