Moan for me like Helen Keller
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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