HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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