Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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