shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she was so not down for the gang bang
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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