I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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