Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
