Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
