I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
