I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
