Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
