On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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