I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
