I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
