So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
