Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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