Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
