Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
