Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
