angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
