My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
