All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
