don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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