Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
