ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
