Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
