I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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