Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
