Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
