you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
